The Therapist in Every Leader

Like a flock of birds, the particles become a whole entity unto itself without being in direct contact with one another

The Therapist in Every Leader

Leadership isn't just about setting direction—though clarity matters enormously. The part we talk about less is how much of leadership is actually therapy.

Think about it: every interaction is fundamentally about feelings. How someone feels after talking to you determines everything a lot what follows. The words you choose, your tone, your body language—they're all transmitting emotional data. The person across from you is decoding: Do I matter here? Am I valued? Am I growing or shrinking?

This becomes particularly nuanced when you're working across different communication styles and cultural contexts. The directness that shows respect in one setting reads as aggression in another. The careful diplomacy that preserves harmony can come across as disengagement. Sometimes it's an art to balance clarity of communication with honoring feelings—being understood while ensuring people feel respected. We're all adapting to each other constantly, which creates layers of interpretation that can either build bridges or create chasms.

But regardless of these complexities, there's a simple and profound choice at the heart of every conversation: Do you make people feel larger or smaller when they leave your presence?

You have to make people feel respected, even in difficult moments. Even when delivering hard feedback or making tough decisions, respect has to remain the foundation. It's not about being soft—it's about maintaining human dignity regardless of circumstance.

You can help someone see their potential, show them how their work matters, make course corrections feel like stepping stones rather than failures. You can create an environment where people feel like the tallest trees in the forest, where growth feels inevitable and limits seem artificial.

Or you can do the opposite. Make people feel insignificant, unheard, like their contributions don't matter. Turn them inward with doubt, make them question their worth.

The Wendy Standard

If you've ever watched Billions, you know Wendy. She's the perfect example of what therapeutic leadership looks like in practice. Wendy doesn't just manage performance—she unlocks it by understanding what drives each person, what scares them, what motivates them at their core.

Watch how she handles difficult conversations. She never makes anyone feel small, even when delivering hard truths. She sees through the ego and the posturing to the real person underneath. She asks the questions others are afraid to ask and creates space for vulnerability that most workplaces would hardly allow.

Most importantly, she helps people see themselves clearly—both their blind spots and their untapped strengths. She doesn't just tell people what to do; she helps them understand why they're stuck and gives them the tools to move forward.

That's what great leadership looks like when you add the therapeutic dimension. It's not about being everyone's therapist, but about understanding that emotions do matter.

The Ordinary Greatness

Here's what's remarkable: yes, some people are genuinely geniuses. I was lucky to work with a few, and they absolutely exist. But here's the thing—even they are just people like everyone else.

Most innovations and companies aren't built by lone geniuses working in isolation. They're built by teams of people who've had their potential unlocked, including the occasional genius, all working together toward something bigger than themselves.

Great leadership means understanding this reality. It means admitting the role of luck, acknowledging the effort, and most importantly—helping others discover capabilities they didn't know they had. Your job isn't to find the rare exception or wait for lightning to strike. It's about seeing the untapped potential that's already there and creating the conditions for it to emerge.

The person sitting across from you right now has abilities they haven't fully accessed yet. The question is: will your leadership help them find those abilities, or will it leave them undiscovered?

The Team Sport Reality

This dynamic extends far beyond direct reports. We're always playing a team sport, whether we acknowledge it or not. The person who thinks it's all about them—their individual brilliance, their irreplaceable contributions—is usually operating under a dangerous delusion. It's painful to watch someone convince themselves they're the entire show when success almost always comes from collective effort.

The most effective leaders understand this deeply. They help people see how their work connects to something larger, how their individual excellence serves the team's mission. They make the interdependencies visible and celebrated.

Because in the end, the best leaders aren't just setting direction—they're growing other leaders. And as one wise man told me, there is no individual contribution in the work.
We are all leaders.